How Nazarene are you?

I'm not a big fan of Facebook quizzes. If you've sent them to me, I've probably ignored them. I don't care what 80s sitcom character I am, what book best represents me, or what my stripper name would be.

But I saw one the other day that intrigued me. "How Nazarene are you?" Hmm.... this might be interesting, I thought.

So I took it. And after successfully answering basic questions about our church structure and history, I was declared a "Manuel Memorizer." Wow! Who knew?

I must admit, though, I was a little disappointed. Who cares if I know how many general superintendents we have or how often General Assembly takes place? Anybody can figure those out. (No offense to Stephanie, who bombed the test).

No, I think there's much more complexity in identifying a purebred Nazarene. Ask yourself these questions:

• Did your mom shed a tear or two when she ironed your Phineas S. Bresee award on your Caravan scarf?


• Have you driven out of town to watch a perfectly clean movie, so that no one would see you?


• When your friends start swapping stories about random celebrity run-ins, do you tell about the time you saw a general superintendent buying doughnuts at the grocery store?


• Did you hold two receptions for your wedding -- one for the church, and the other a secret celebration with you and your dancing friends?


• Do you own a collection of polyester dresses from your years on the Impact team?


• When you hear the letters NYC, do you think of massive teen gathering instead of a major U.S. city?


• (For women only) Do you remember a time when you couldn't wear pants to church because it was too provocative?


• (For men only) Have you ever felt guilty for staring at a provocative woman who was wearing pants to church?


• After years in teen Bible quizzing, do you still twitch your right butt cheek when you want to be the first to answer a question?


• If a short-cut in the grocery store meant going through the alcohol aisle, would you take the longer route just so no one thinks you've backslidden?


• Are you excited that this year's family vacation will be in Orlando, because you've seen just about all there is to see in Indianapolis?


• Have you calculated which direction you need to turn to face Kansas City when praying?


• When you're telling someone what part of the country you're from, do you automatically include the name of the nearest Nazarene college or university?


• When the song leader announces you'll be singing "Called Unto Holiness," do you set down the hymnal because you already know the words?


• Do any of your children have Wesley as a first or middle name?


• Do the highlights of your social calendar revolve around a potluck dinner or Old Country Buffet?

If you answered "Yes" to five or more of these questions, congratulations!

You are officially Nazarene through and through, and I'll see you in Orlando.